Unusually high guilt!

Hi, I am a single mother of four. I have been so thrilled by my neothink books. I have always suffered from depression, and have basically quit everything I have ever started. When I read my first manuscript, I cryed through most of it. I felt so connected and felt it had to be what was missing. But just as with everything else in my life, it was short lived.I seem to be having trouble finding anything that could be my friday night essence. And I have a hard time with the mini day. So, my questions are; Am I the only one who isnt changing? Do I still have a chance to become an immortal? How do I get on the right path? Thank you