Level One Integration

My deeply felt gratitude for being invited to join The Society. I am actually amazed that I have made it this far which I will clarify later. After listening to the introduction, questions and answers from Mark, I feel relieved, excited and trepidation. Relieved because I realized how much pressure I had put on myself to complete reading the three heirlooms fast so that I could begin to attend the Society meetings and become a billionaire instantly!! With Mark inviting us to let go any preconceived ideas we had I breathed a sigh of relief. The metaphor of the foot traveler touched me deeply and helped me to have some reality perspective regarding becoming an instant billionaire. That it is alright to slow down by taking one foot at a time and absorb the lessons with an open mind. I feel excited because I sense a movement forward by participating finally in the first meeting with Mark, seeing him, hearing his voice, seeing other fellow learners questions, which helped to remove doubt that all the reading I was doing was going to remain just a paper based activity without interacting with real people. Mark’s answers to the questions have stimulated a curiosity in me regarding what I will learn in the next twelve months. As I read through the visions I had hoped I would have an opportunity to read through them again and really absorb them because at the time I was reading them I felt overwhelmed but persisted because I felt it was new information to me and would take me some time to fully understand and make use of it. I was delighted when we were encouraged to visit Visions One, Two and the Self-Leader sections. After gaining a bigger picture of the journey to God-Man I hope my second reading of the visions will be more meaningful to me.

The trepidation I feel is due to my current difficult situation that I am living with and managing. I have so far hidden from my wife my involvement in The Secret Society. My wife had seen the first and second invitation letters from the Society and she through them away because she thought they were scam mail. In fact I had to retrieve one of them from trash so that I was able to respond to it in secrete. Let me take a step back. Last year I was scammed and I lost money that we did not have by using credit cards. Consequently she requested the court to give her guardian ship of my finances because I made poor decisions and lost us money and memory expert doctors became involved. She was granted guardianship as a way to stop me from sending out any more money. The court decreed that she had to check all my mail, monitor my computer for e-mails I receive/sent, websites that I visit, monitor cell phone for any calls I receive and /or make. If she knew that I was in contact with the society I would not have access to a computer for a long time. She controls my money and only give me enough to spend on groceries. By being creative I managed to put some money aside, just enough, to pay for postage for the three heirlooms. I started to use my workplace address and that is how I have managed to have communications from The Society. But even then, I live in a state of anxiety that she will find out and we will end up back in court because I would have violated my restrictions. I feel that this situation would restrict me from fully and openly engaging with The Society. My question is what are my options or possibilities? I require your help to think through this situation.