I am still having a hard time learning and applying this. I feel like I am progressing too slowly.

Hello. I have read books one and two and in progress with three. I have just listened/read my first meeting. I am feeling like I cannot progress very fast. I want to be happy and creating values, but is that all life is about? Just work, work, work? I know, if we find our Friday-night Essennces, it will be playing. I guess I have suffered from working where the polar opposite of this exists, not just the anti-civilization, but worse. My co-workers went out of their way to make my work life miserable, from telling me tiresome procedures that made my work harder and more tormenting to purposely making me run from point A to Z then M and so on. People in other situations have gone out of their way to make my life miserable. Maybe I am addicted to be treated this way. I actually feel afraid to be happy! That probably sounds crazy. It does to me! How can I develop the confidence to let changes for the better happen?