recently traumatic experience

i am at the most trying time of my life right now with a very busy schedule and suffering with the sudden loss of many loved ones and trying to pick myself back up. i rarely have time for myself as a lot has been placed on my shoulders to pick up the pieces of my family life falling/breaking apart. I’m not trying to sound like a crybaby but life has been cruel to me of late. i am trying to do the right thing in all aspects. my entrance into this society is something I am taking serious however I am a little skeptical still. I am aware of many scams in this world as i have fallen victim to some. I am a victim of the anticivilization in essence like most, however i do feel as though i do posses special traits/qualities. i guess my questions are: with my life being so hectic how can i make sure i am going to get the most beneficial results from this experience into Neothink Society? also i thought i was selected for a reason and thought membership was free. so why have i since been asked to pay hundreds of dollars for membership thus far for literature and now an additional cost for access to secret website and whatever other costs may be sprung on me in the future. you should tell your members of what costs to expect sooner since you preach so much about honest business ethics instead of selling dreams and setting deadlines to attain them. and finally it was expressed to me that three great things would happen to me almost immediately after just reading the headlines of the first heirloom package. instead some tragic things have happened. i have read entire package and still nothing. so y exactly was i chosen or am i just on the mailing list.